Dating After Divorce: Be Careful About How You Tell Your Kids!

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We all know divorce creates havoc in any family’s life, especially when children are involved. Moving on after divorce can also be challenging. It’s a time to be very gentle, both with yourself as well as with your children.

Chances are, you made a considerable emotional investment in your marriage. Having seen that relationship fail can make you insecure about facing new relationships ahead. But if you take the time to go within, learn from your mistakes, understand the lessons from your marriage and determine new ways to approach future relationships, at some point you will feel ready to step back out into the dating world again. Then you face the challenge of breaking the news to your children.

Be Sensitive and Empathic!

Of course the age of your children will play a big part in how to talk to them about your starting to date. The rapport you have with them and closeness within your own relationship with the kids will also play a part in this difficult conversation.

Remember, your children are smarter than you think. They can pick up on your emotions and when you’re telling untruths. It’s best to be honest about your feelings regarding bringing another potential partner into your life. But be very sensitive about their emotions on this topic.

Let your children know you’re healing, feeling better about yourself and are now ready to explore meeting new friends. Remind them how much you love them, how important they are in your life, and that dating has nothing to do with replacing them – ever! Explain that you will still be the attentive parent you’ve always been and that they always come first in your life. Be very clear that no one will ever replace their other parent either!

You may need to have this conversation many times over several weeks or months to give your kids time to digest the concept and express how they feel about what you are saying. Encourage them to ask questions and share their opinions. Be patient and understanding of their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.

Be Selective in Choosing Partners!

Don’t introduce your children to every new person you date. You can let them know that you are going out with friends every once in a while, if they ask, but don’t bring causal relationship partners into their world. This can be confusing for children and disappointing for them if the new partner they meet disappears or gets replaced a few weeks or months later.

When you do find a person you are seriously involved with, prepare the children in advance for the first meetings. Spend short intervals together and let the exposure build over time. Ask the kids for their feedback. Discuss their feelings. Watch how your partner behaves with them. Make sure the kids never feel threatened by the thought they are losing their Mom or Dad to a stranger. How you approach adding a new partner into your life will affect their long-term relationship with the children. So be careful, considerate and empathic in all your actions. Needless to say, make sure you choose a partner who treats your children well.

Children who have close relationships with both biological parents are more likely to accept a new parent partner into their lives without distress. Because they feel safe in their relationship with Mom and Dad, they are less likely to be threatened by a new adult entering the picture. When one biological parent disrespects and disparages the other parent, it puts the children on the defensive, making them much more likely to reject a new relationship partner entering the family dynamic.

So take your time when transitioning into dating after divorce. Move slowly when opening the door to new relationships that will be affecting your children. Putting yourself in their place will give you insight into what it can be like to find Mom or Dad with a new partner. Talking with a therapist or relationship coach can be quite helpful as you transition into this next phase of your life.

rosalind-sedacca-cctRosalind Sedacca is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and author of the internationally acclaimed guidebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! It can be found at http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, free articles, free ezine and other valuable resources for parents are all available at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. Rosalind’s advice on dating after divorce and free dating tip sheet are at: www.womendatingafter40.com.

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SEPTEMBER IS BABY SAFETY MONTH

mom and baby

September is Baby Safety Month and is also an especially busy time for parents if toddlers and older children head back to school or daycare. Therefore, now is a good time to do a thorough walk through the home to ensure all rooms are baby-proofed and child-friendly so parents and caregivers can feel more at ease.

The Window Covering Safety Council (WCSC) is urging parents and caregivers to check all window coverings for exposed or dangling cords that could pose a strangulation hazard to infants and young children. According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), corded window coverings are one of the top five hidden hazards in American homes, with infants and young children dying each year from accidentally strangling in window cords.  Many of these incidents involve older products that are still in use but don’t have the safety devices or designs instituted in the past decade.   The WCSC is reminding parents to check their window coverings and install only cordless window products in homes with young children.

Follow these safety guidelines to maximize child safety and help to keep your kids safe in the home:

  • Install only cordless window coverings in homes with young children. Replace corded blinds, shades and draperies with today’s safer products.
  • If you cannot install newer products, order a free window cord retrofit kit from www.windowcoverings.org. The installation of the retrofit kit is not intended to be a substitute for installing cordless products in homes with young children.
  • Move all cribs, beds, furniture and toys away from windows and window cords, preferably to another wall.
  • Ensure that all window cords are out of sight and reach, and that they are inaccessible to young children.
  • Make sure tasseled pull cords are adjusted to be as short as possible.
  • Continuous-loop pull cords on draperies and vertical blinds should be pulled tight and anchored to the floor or wall with a tension device.
  • Be sure cord stops are properly installed and adjusted to limit movement on inner cords on blinds and shades.

Photo credit  © Maria Kovalets

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Merging Families: Keeping It Simple

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With a background as an engineer in Corporate America, my job required that I solve complex problems. One tool that I used to fulfill my responsibilities was facilitating group meetings. As the team facilitator, I managed teams through the stages of development, resolved personal conflicts and/or hindrances to progress and expedited the team to achieve […]

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Benefits of Family Councils

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Raising Children with Pets

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His Number One Girl

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Praising Your Child for Good Grades

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5 Ways to Minimize the Impact of Divorce on Your Children

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Bullying Isn’t Cool!

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Parents: Be the Leaders of Team Happiness

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The marital relationship is the most important factor in raising children well.  When the marriage is working, parents can lead Team Happiness. My wife and I failed to achieve a great marriage, so we were mediocre parents most of the time and often worse than mediocre. Married at 17 and 18, we didn’t know much […]

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Having a Good Day (Even When It Isn’t)

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Hygiene for Kids Can Be Easy

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Learning about hygiene is important for children of all ages. Teaching proper hygiene to kids not only prevents germs from spreading, but also prevents body odor and other unpleasant incidents. Here are tips for keeping up with personal hygiene for kids from preschool to high school! 1. Washing your hands. Making sure your child has […]

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5 Best Apps to Keep Your Kids Healthy and Active

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Teaching kids how to live a healthy lifestyle is often a frustrating task. Exercise is tiring, vegetables don’t taste good, and going to the doctor is scary. It’s no secret that kids love apps though, and there are many entertaining and informational ones that help teach kids the importance of a healthy lifestyle. With a […]

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Ten Ways to Save on Back to School Shopping

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by Stephanie Nelson, CouponMom.com 1.  Inventory so you won’t overbuy. Go through drawers and closets to inventory your child’s current wardrobe. Sort items that are too small or never get worn at all and donate them to a local charity.  Older children’s acceptable outgrown clothes can go to a younger sibling, if possible.  After determining […]

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Easing Back to School Jitters

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School bells are ringing and kids are everywhere. As you drive slowly through school zones, you can see and feel the excitement in the air. Kids are walking to school, getting out of buses, and being dropped off on the curb. Some of them look excited and are laughing, while others look confused, withdrawn and […]

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Returning to School After Divorce: How To Help Your Kids!

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Returning to school after their parents have separated or divorced can be difficult for any child. You can ease the transition, however, by making the school your ally. This will open the door to the many resources available to you through the school. The key here is in forming a cooperative relationship with key personnel. Making your […]

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Study Habits For Your Kids

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With school starting up, it’s important for your child to keep up with their work at school and even more importantly their homework. Your child is responsible for their grades, not you. It’s time to teach them good study habits early, so that later, they will not struggle. We’ve compiled a few techniques that you […]

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5 Things to Consider When Buying Your Teen’s First Car

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Let’s face it- buying your teen’s first car can be a terrifying thing to think about. It’s completely natural for you to feel a bit nervous over the thought of your child hitting the roadways. But with a little planning and open communication, you may just find the experience a bit less harrowing than you […]

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Calming Back to School Jitters!

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It’s official… Summer is winding down and school will be starting before you know it! Parents, you might be ready for your children to start school, but your children might not be so ready. Starting a new year of school can be intimidating.  Each year brings new milestones and a bit of nervousness for kids […]

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Cool Clothes For Your Cool Kid!

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School is almost back in session! You know what that means? It’s time to gear up your child with clothes that make them look and feel cool! But of course we wouldn’t steer you in the wrong direction! We have the deals that will help keep you from breaking your bank! We, at JBFSale.com, are […]

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Back to School!

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Summer is almost over, so you know what that means…it’s back to school time! Of course back to school is filled with shopping for clothes and supplies and coping with your little ones going to school, but we have a few tips that will help the preparation for school seem like a breeze! First, compile […]

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Picky Eater Friendly

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Rainy Day Games & Crafts

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Summer rain can really bum the kiddos out, but with some cool inside activities, they won’t even miss being outside! Here a few rainy day games and crafts that will occupy even the most energetic kid! Ping pong is usually suited for outside play, but with the revamped balloon ping pong, kids can enjoy playtime […]

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Tips to Eliminating Summer Allergies

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Helping Kids Get Enough Water

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With these summer temperatures soaring, it’s important for your children to stay properly hydrated. Keeping your children hydrated will prevent scary incidents of heat cramps, heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Water is the most important element of preventing dehydration but it can be a hassle convincing kids to drink enough water. Instead of just drinking […]

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Under the Sea Crafts for Kids

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Still missing that fun, family vacation? No worries! Whether you and your family are hitting the beach, staying home or reminiscing about your family getaway, here a few sea crafts to bring the sea to your home! Your kids will love these and you’ll have a blast making them too! Over at KidsActivitiesBlog, Michelle and […]

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